


if you want to get laid, go to college. if you want an education AND to get laid, go to the library.

by daenw (freckledfoxes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Benny/Andrea, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel/Other - Freeform, Charlie/Dorothy mentioned, Genius Castiel, Han is Hannah, I'll add more tags as they come up, Implied Castiel/Other(s), Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Just for clarification, Librarian Castiel, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Pining, References to Castiel/Other(s), Student Castiel, Student Dean Winchester, also cas is kinda rude but when is he not, and dean is really whiny but again when is he not, annoyances to friends to lovers tbh, but he's hella smart anyway, but they're limited to my tiny brain so there ya go, dean just doesn't like to use words you know, dean might have a learning disability?, he doesn't like labels, he's that guy, kind of, look at my son, they're left gender neutral on purpose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10393806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledfoxes/pseuds/daenw
Summary: Dean doesn't date guys. He likes guys. Thinks they're hot, even. He's man enough to admit that. Dating them, though? No way. Absolutely not. Too much work. He made that decision a long time ago. But when the guy is a librarian with messy hair and blue eyes, he might just have to rethink his life choices. With a little nudge from his friends, of course.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted anything on here in a very long time but here's this piece of garbage that was supposed to only be 2k of fluff but actually turned into a _thing_. So now it's coming to you in chapters.
> 
> The title is from this quote:  
> "If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library." - Frank Zappa

“Dean.”

Dean blinked and looked up from the book he was scribbling in, which wasn’t his, obviously. It was the library’s. And the librarian just caught him. 

Again.

Castiel Novak was standing over him, thick, tan arms crossed over the chest of his stupid rock band t-shirt, with a raised brow and a deep frown.

“What?” Dean groaned, leaning back in his chair and swinging his arms out wide. He wasn’t going to feign innocence this time. What was the point?

“You’re vandalizing library property, that’s what.” Cas snatched the book off the desk, holding it away when Dean reached to grab it back.

“Dude! I need that for this essay and it’s the only copy you have. C’mon!”

“This is the third time I’ve caught you writing in the books, Dean.”

“Okay, one, pull the stick outta your ass. I’m writing in pencil, so you can erase it if you want to. And two, they’re just notes! It’s not like I’m drawing dicks in the margins or something.”

“Take your notes in a notebook like everyone else. Stop scribbling all over things that don’t belong to you.” Cas snapped the book closed, effectively losing Dean’s page. “I should kick you out this time. I’ve had to tell you multiple times--”

“Okay, but what if someone  _ else _ needs those notes? Some things in that book are wrong! I’m just helping the next poor sap that needs to use that outdated bundle of kindling.” Dean perked up. “Like Snape, you know? I’m the half-blood prince.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You’re an  _ idiot _ is what you are.”

“Are you gonna kick me out, Cas, or can I have the book back?” Dean leaned forward and batted his eyelashes up at Castiel. “Pretty please?”

Castiel’s mouth fell open and all Dean could do was smirk as a flush bled into Castiel’s cheeks. Cas thrust the book back at him, wrinkling up his nose in disgust.

“Fine. But stop writing in the books. Just… stick post-its in if you  _ must  _ annotate.”

“That’s a waste of paper, Cas. I thought you were all about the environment? What with your riding a bike everywhere and the bee pins on your bag.”

Cas rolled his eyes so hard that it went through his entire body. “Shut up,” he snapped, turning on his heel and going back over to the front desk.

Dean snickered and opened the book again, flipping to the page he’d been on before Cas interrupted him.

~

“Can we  _ not  _ talk about the hot librarian for, like, two minutes?” Charlie said suddenly, interrupting Dean mid-sentence. She pressed the X on her controller repeatedly, not taking her eyes off of the screen in front of her and Dean.

Dean flushed when Benny barked out a laugh from the kitchen. Dean’s character in the game was overtaken by a mob of undead and his side of the screen went dark. “What?”

“You won’t shut up about  _ Castiel Novak _ . Can we like… talk about killing nazi zombies for a little bit? Or about the super cute girl in my history class!” Charlie’s eyes lit up and she paused the game. “Her name is Dorothy and--”

“Alright, if Dean can’t talk about his crush, you can’t talk about yours,” Benny chided as he plopped himself on the couch on Dean’s other side.

Charlie pouted. “As if we don’t have to be subjected to the disgusting display of young, heterosexual love that is you and Andrea.”

Benny laughed. “You jealous, Red?”

Charlie’s shoulders sagged. “Maybe a little.”

Benny laughed again, throwing his head back against the couch.

Dean wrinkled up his nose at the two of them. “I don’t know what the hell you two are talking about.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Sure, sure. Because your undying love for the librarian isn’t obvious at all.”

Dean sputtered, offended. “I-- That’s ridiculous. I don’t even--” Dean’s mouth worked around words that he couldn’t find in his scrambled brain.

“Don’t hurt yourself, brother,” Benny muttered.

“ _I don’t_ _ date _ _guys_ , okay?” Dean snapped. “I don’t even really  _ like _ them. They’re just… really hot… sometimes.”

“No one said anything about _dating_ , Dean. Are you _planning_ to ask him out?” Charlie prodded, reaching around him to steal the bowl of chips from Benny’s lap.

“No!”

“You sure did jump to conclusions about dating him awful quick for not wanting to date him,” Benny added helpfully.

“Shut up.”

“ _ Are you _ planning to ask him out? I mean, obviously you’ve considered it, given your train of thought.” Charlie nudged him teasingly with her elbow.

“Oh my god, I hate both of you.” Dean pushed up off the couch, abandoning his controller on the floor. 

Benny snatched it up quickly.

“Nah, brother. You love us.”

“I thought you didn’t wanna hear about it. What’s with the interrogation?” Dean asked, annoyed.

“We’re just curious, Dean. You hardly ever get stuck on one person, especially if you’re not banging them--” Charlie’s eyes go comically wide. “Wait. You’re not, are you? You’d tell us.” She look at Benny. “He’d tell us.” She looks up at Dean again. “Or are you guys going at it in secret in the stacks?” Charlie’s hand flew up to her mouth in mock surprise. “Oh my god!”

Benny’s eyes went a little out of focus and he stared off into space. “Oh, I will never look at those dusty old books the same again.”

“Actually, I heard there’s quite a nice mood up there.” Charlie commented matter-of-factly.

Benny actually had the gall to look curious. “ _ Really? _ ” 

“Jesus Christ. I’m going to study.” Dean grabbed his jacket off the back of a kitchen chair. 

“Are you gonna go ‘study’ at the library?” Benny asked sarcastically.

“We want you back by ten, Dean. We’ll be waiting up. And use protection.” Charlie added with a giggle.

Dean grumbled under his breath about  _ why they hell am I friends with the two of you _ and flipped them off as he hurried out the door.

~

Dean had to admit that Cas was  _ extremely  _ hot. Like in every way. Even when he was mad at Dean.  _ Especially _ when he was mad at Dean, honestly. Although he tried not to make that a regular thing. Between the awkward boners and possibly pissing Cas off enough to get himself thrown out of the library, he wasn’t going to risk it.

He became acutely aware of how often he looked for Cas when he was working just to check him out and how much he chatted him up when he was looking for information he couldn’t find. He realized it was way more often than was probably normal, and he became self-conscious whenever he so much as lifted his nose out of his books.

Dean almost stopped going to the library altogether one day after sitting and thinking way too hard about whether or not he could handle another two hour study session in the same room as Cas. The thought had him sitting anxiously in his living room for over an hour before Benny kicked him out for, “emittin’ too much bad mojo.”

He was going in pretty late, which meant he wasn’t going to be able to get all of the work he had done. But something was better than nothing. He found his usual table in the back corner and settled in for a very long, very anxious hour and a half.

“You’re here late,” he heard from his left. He looked up and saw Cas putting books back in their places on a shelf. Cas didn’t look happy to see him, which kind of put a damper on the anxiety that made Dean’s chest feel tight.

“Uh… yeah. I was busy,” Dean replied curtly, looking back down at his notes, trying to look like he was focusing on anything but Cas.

Cas made a soft noise. Dean could feel him staring.

It didn’t take long for it to piss him off. “Can I help you?” he snapped. He emphasized his words by crossing something out in his notes so hard that his pen scratched through the paper.

“Why do you write in the books?”

Dean frowned deeply and looked up at Cas, confused. “What? C’mon man, I haven’t written in a book in at least two weeks. You gotta stop bustin’ my balls about--”

Cas waved him off. “I know. I’ve checked. But why do you do it?”

“I don’t know. Half this shit I’m never gonna use so the helpful, paraphrased information should stay in its source for the next person who needs it. I write down what I need for the test in a notebook but if something in the book needs to be worded better or something, then I’m gonna put the cliff’s notes in. Seems stupid not to help the next person out.”

“You don’t think they should have to work to come to the same conclusion you did about whatever information you’ve acquired?”

“They’ve already got their nose in the book. They’re obviously doing the work. I’m just helping them get to the answer in an easier way. No sense in everyone having to read three paragraphs of the same roundabout bullshit that could have just been simplified down to a couple of sentences, or one sentence, in some cases. Not everyone can read and understand this crap.”

“But you can,” Cas pointed out.

Dean shrugged. “And?”

“Dean... You wrote a summary explaining an entire book about  _ literal rocket science _ on just the endpapers and the flyleaves the last time I found your writing in a book.”

Dean flushed and shrugged again, uselessly. “It’s… really not a big deal.”

There was a long pause and Dean looked away self-consciously. He picked at the loose teeth of a piece of paper coming out of his notebook. 

“What are you studying, Dean?” Cas asked suddenly.    
Dean heard the scratch of the wooden chair across from him against the carpeted floor, and he raised his gaze to find Cas sitting opposite him now, as if he was getting comfortable for a long conversation. 

He shifted uncomfortably. “I haven’t declared a major yet.”

“Why? You’re obviously incredibly intelligent. You must have decided on something.”

“‘Cause I don’t know what I want to do, man. Obviously. I like working on cars. But I like cooking, too. And I like music. I really like writing. And I like reading when it’s something that’s actually worth picking up. I like helping people. I have too many interests to just settle on one thing.”

“But you’re studying for an advanced engineering course.”

Dean shrugged. “I like making things. And figuring out how stuff works. I don’t know. Like I said, it’s not a big deal.”

Cas frowned at him and crossed his arms on the table in front of him. “You know what I’m interested in?”

Dean shook his head and wished to God this conversation could be over. Why couldn’t they just be talking about the weather or something?

“Nothing,” Cas continued. “I am interested in absolutely nothing.”

Dean frowned at him, brows pinching together. “What? How can you not like anything?”

Cas shrugged. “I  _ like _ things. But I didn’t want to go to school. I’m not interested in learning about practical applications for knowledge or skills. I want to learn everything about  _ everything _ , right down to the specifics that no one cares about. I’m only here because my  _ father _ insisted. I’m majoring in business because my  _ father _ thinks it will be lucrative.”

Dean shook his head. “You shouldn’t do shit you don’t wanna do, man.”

Castiel nodded. “Mm. Tell that to Chuck. He’s an ass.”

Dean snorted and leaned back in his chair. “What would you be doing if you weren’t here, then? You’ve always seemed really smart to me. So why not go to school?”

“I love learning, don’t get me wrong. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do. But school is just… It’s too structured. Too limiting. And I am ‘really smart.’ A genius, in fact, if you go by my test scores.”

Dean blinked. “Damn.”

Cas takes a deep breath and continues. “I’d like to travel,” he said wistfully. “For all of my knowledge, I’ve never even been out of the country, and I feel like that’s made me ignorant in some instances.”

“Hey, I’ve never been out of the midwest. Don’t feel too bad.”

“Would you like to travel?” Cas asked curiously.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I hate flying, though. Terrified of heights and I get really sick. It’s kind of a nightmare,” Dean confessed. 

Cas nodded in understanding and sighed. “Of course, travel doesn’t make you any money. But I can’t think of anything I’d like to do for money. And anything I  _ could _ see myself doing for a long period of time, I feel like being paid for it would just… suck all of the passion out of it.”

“I getcha,” Dean replied, rocking his chair back onto its hind legs. He sighed and looked around them. “It’s quiet here tonight.”

“It’s a Friday,” Cas responded, like it was obvious.

Dean blinked. “Is it really? I… didn’t even realize.”

“You’re one of the few people I know who come into the library on a Friday nights, Dean. And maybe you don’t notice, but you do it quite frequently.”

Dean snorted and ran a hand down his face, letting the chair fall back to all fours slowly. “I’m kind of a loser, man. I tried to do parties my Freshman year. Got really old really quick.”

“I’m not a fan of parties, either,” Cas agreed. “I prefer to be here most days, actually. Most people complain about work. I love it.”

Dean smiled. “You like the company of books over people, huh?”

Cas nodded solemnly. “Yes. Most books don’t judge you.”

Dean’s brows knitted together and he tilted his head. “Sounds like there’s a story there.”

Cas sighed heavily. “There is. I should let you get back to your studying, though. Looks like you have quite a bit going on.” Cas gestured around the table.

“Uh…” Dean looked at the books he had scattered over the surface and he shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I do. But… a lot of it isn’t due for a while. I just hate putting things off ‘til the last minute.”

“Regardless, I’ve taken up a lot of your time. And I need to finish with that cart of books tonight, so I should keep working as well.”

Dean nodded, feeling disappointed, which was surprising considering how he felt at the beginning of the conversation. He watched Cas push away from the table and get to his feet. He looked at Dean after he stretched and Dean had to compose himself really quick after glimpsing just a flash of Cas’ bare stomach.

“It was really nice talking with you, Dean. I’m sorry we haven’t done this sooner.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it-- it was nice.”

Cas gave him a small smile and headed back to the aisle where his cart of books sat patiently waiting to be put back on their shelves.

Dean watched him walk away, butterflies swirling around his stomach.

 

Ten o’clock rolled around, his phone vibrating five minutes before close to let him know it was time to pack up and leave. He stood, stretching his arms to pop out the kinks in his back and rolling the stiffness out of his neck. He gathered up his things and shoved them into his backpack, slinging it onto his back and heading for the door. 

“Dean?”

Dean turned and saw Cas walking away from the front desk, denim jacket on and a messenger back hanging off of one shoulder.

“What’s up?” Dean asked.

“I took the bus here because of the rain… Could I possibly get a ride with you?” Cas asked, looking nervous.

“Yeah, dude, of course. The buses don’t even run this late. Were you gonna walk?”

“If I had to.”

“Don’t you live close to me?”

Cas nodded. 

“Dude, that’s like an hour and a half walk. In the dark.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I’m aware. That’s why I’m asking you. Because you conveniently came in tonight.”

Dean laughed. “Ah, I see. You’re using me for my sweet ride.”

“I think you mean your gas guzzler.”

“Hey, you watch your mouth. My baby is a lady.”

“She’s also a hindrance to the environment.”

“Watch your tongue, heathen, or you’re walkin’ home.”

Cas had a smile on his face now but he rolled his eyes again. “Fine. She’s a fine example of the American automotive industry. Can we please go home now?”

Dean grinned. “Absolutely, Cas. I’ll let her know you said that, too.”

“Of course.” 

Dean led Cas out to the car, unlocked the doors, and they both slid inside. Dean tossed his backpack into the back seat before buckling up, while Cas chose to pull his bag onto his lap after his belt was securely in place. 

Dean pulled out of the parking lot and started through town, heading in the direction of their apartment buildings. 

“You’re about two blocks south of me, right?” Dean asked, glancing over at Cas.

Cas nodded. “Yes. The Smith building.” 

“Oh, that’s right. The fancy one.”

Cas snorted. “You could call it that, I suppose.”

Dean looked over at him. “Dude, each bedroom gets its own bathroom. That’s fancy. I have to share one bathroom with two other people. Three, if we weren’t down a roommate right now. And one of them’s a girl.” Dean punctuated this statement with a shudder.

“That does sound terrible,” Cas said with mock sincerity. “I like my privacy, though, which is why the Smith building was appealing in the first place.”

“I like mine, too. But… Y’Know. Money.”

Cas sighed and looked over at Dean. “That would have most certainly been a factor in my housing situation had it not been for my father.”

“Oh, that’s right. Mr. Moneybags covered you.”

“Yes. It’s about the only thing he’s good for.”

Dean frowned and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

They were silent for a moment before Cas sighed and spoke again.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to darken the conversation.”

Dean shook his head. “No, man. Not your fault. I’m the one that brought it up.”

“You said you live with roommates,” Cas said, changing the subject. “Who are they?”

Dean smiled a little at the thought of his friends. “Benny Lafitte and Charlie Bradbury. Charlie and I have been friends since diapers, Benny and I met when we were thirteen on a scout trip. Hadn’t heard from him since ‘til we ended up in the same drafting class second semester freshman year. Weirdest coincidence ever. Then we all decided to get a place together our sophomore year. It’s been great. Besides Charlie’s hair clogging the drain, of course.”

Cas nodded. “I’m jealous.”

Dean flushed slightly. “Why?”   
“I’ve never made friends easily. And I certainly have never made a friend that I’m so comfortable with that I could live with them. I wish I could make friends that easily.”

Dean frowned. “What’s there to not like? I mean, besides the stick up your ass,” Dean added, teasing.

Cas rolled his eyes, but there was a fond smile on his lips. “I’m just not outgoing. And I am very introverted. As I said, books have always been better, nicer company.”

Dean made a little  _ hmpf _ sound and shook his head. “Well, if you ever wanna hang out with actual people, not at the library, you’re more than welcome to hang out with me and Charlie and Benny. Benny’s kinda quiet but he’s a good guy. And Charlie’s a “the more the merrier” type. They won’t mind.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Will you mind? Or are you just inviting me to be nice?”

Dean scowled, taking offense to that. “What the hell kind of impression am I giving that you think I’d offer for us to hang out without actually wanting to?”

Cas shrugged. “Sometimes people say things they don’t mean. You might also just be asking because you think I’m attractive. There could be an ulterior motive there.”

Dean blushed furiously and blinked, trying not to swerve off of the road in surprise. “ _ What _ ?”

“I’m not saying you  _ are _ , Dean. I just said you  _ could _ be. And you might be. I’ve seen how you look at me. I’m not an idiot.”

“I don’t-- I’m  _ not _ \--” Dean sputtered. 

“I understand the heterosexual, hyper-masculine identity that you hide behind is very important to you, Dean. But it’s not 1950. It’s not that big of a deal if you want to get in a guy’s pants. It’s not the end of the world if you want to get in mine. The feeling is certainly mutual.”

Dean blinked, the heat in his face feeling like it was gonna burn the skin right off of his skull. “Please, stop talking.”

“Dean--”

“Shut up. Please. Just stop talking, Cas. I’m not-- I’m not doing this. I’m not-- I’m  _ not _ doing this.” He didn’t mean to sound so… put-off.

Cas let out a long-suffering sigh and was silent for a moment as he looked out of the passenger-side window. “You can let me out here. I can walk the rest of the way.”

“But there’s another mile--”

“Just let me out. Please.”

Dean swallowed around a lump in his throat and he slowed down to pull off to the side of the road. He ran a hand over his face as Cas unbuckled and slid out of the car with nothing more than a muttered, “Have a goodnight,” before he slammed the door shut behind him.

Dean closed his eyes and waited for a moment before leaning his forehead against the steering wheel, feeling like the biggest piece of shit on the face of the planet.

~

“So let me get this straight,” Charlie started, and Benny snorted from where he sat in the living room, eavesdropping on their conversation. 

“Ain’t nothin’ straight about this whole situation, Red. ‘Cept maybe me. But I’m mindin’ my own business.”

Charlie glared at the back of Benny’s head. “Sure sounds like you’re minding your business.” 

She softened her gaze and looked back down at Dean. “He literally just came right out and told you that he likes you, acknowledged you like him without you having to say a single word, and you just told him to shut up?”

Dean grunted, muffled by the wood surface beneath him. He was resting his head on his arms crossed on the table.

It’d been weeks since he’d been back to the library. He couldn’t even entertain the idea of sitting through a study session, pretending like he hadn’t been gutted in his own car by the most attractive guy he’d ever met, while said attractive guy stood within fifty feet putting away textbooks. 

“I know you’re allergic to emotions, Dean, but what the hell?”

Dean lifts his head from his arms. “He was an asshole about it, okay? Can we just leave it alone?” 

“Uh-uh. Dean, you have to go talk to him.”

“I definitely do not _ have _ to do anything.”

“Okay, well. You at least need to go to the library. I know you can’t study here. You’re too distracted.”

Dean wrinkled up his nose. “Hell no. I’m never going back there.”

“What are you going to do about school, then, huh? Fail?”

“I’ll find books online. People scan things up online all the time.”

“Right. Dean, you can’t be anywhere near a computer without getting distracted by anime. Or porn.”

“Or both,” Benny added.

“You, stay out of this,” she snapped, pointing a finger at Benny before turning her attention back to Dean. “Dean, you’re a giant bisexual--”

Dean groaned. “Please stop.”

“-- and you’re just going to have to get over it. I know. It sucks realizing you can’t be like Mr. Hetero over here,” she pointed a thumb back at Benny, who stuck his tongue out at her, “but you can’t let that stop you from going for the people you wanna be with. Okay? If you’re worried about your dad, he’ll get over it. Sam probably already knows. And I’m, like, two hundred and ten percent sure your mom does, too.”

Dean’s cheeks burned and his head shot up. “ _ What _ ?” he sputtered.

“So just go to the library and talk to Castiel. It’s not going to hurt anything.”

“It could hurt my ego, Charlie. Or--Or, better yet, it could just hurt  _ me. In general _ . He’s not gonna wanna see me. Not after I freaked out on him.”

“You don’t know that. I’m willing to bet he’d love to see you. Just go.”

Dean shook his head quickly. “No. No way. Absolutely not.”

“Dean, I will drag you there.”

“Ha! You can try,” Benny chimed in.

Charlie didn’t even blink. “ _ We _ will drag you there.”

“No, no, no. Don’t drag me into this!”

“If you didn’t want to be part of this you wouldn’t have said anything,” Charlie said matter-of-factly. “Dean. You know we will. And it will be a hundred times more embarrassing for you.”

Dean shrunk away from her, wrinkling up his nose. “You are terrifying, woman.”

“You better believe it, pal. Now get your ass to the library. We don’t need you here stinkin’ up the place with your shitty mood.”

Dean groaned as he pulled himself dramatically out of his chair and toward the door, grabbing his backpack up off the floor from by the door.

“Good luck!” Charlie called after him cheerily.

“Yeah, right,” Dean grumbled, slamming the door behind him.

~

The library was back to its usual, busy self, full of both stressed and slacking students, either working diligently on their essays and homework or chatting quietly over opened but neglected books.

Dean hurried past the front desk but he didn’t see Cas. He simultaneously thanked and cursed whatever deity might be listening and he found his usual table, dropping his bag onto the surface before slumping into the chair. He sat there, anxiously drumming his fingers over the wooden surface for a moment. A girl two tables over whispered an annoyed, “Stop it!”  He figured he better just pull out his books and try to get some work done.

Thirty minutes passed, then an hour, and despite getting up frequently to search for books, he never once saw Cas. He wondered if maybe Cas had seen him first and was avoiding him. It both annoyed him and put him at ease. He had figured Cas didn’t want to see him, but he had hoped Cas wouldn’t be so… childish.

Another hour went by, which is when Dean would typically have left. He rarely stayed longer than two hours and he was running out of work to do. But he continued to sit in his little corner of the library, scratching little doodles into his notebook, stubbornness getting the better of him. If Cas was planning on ignoring Dean all night, he certainly didn’t know who he was messing with.

The lights clicked on overhead as the sun went down outside the windows. People began leaving without other students to replace them until Dean figured he was the only one left in the building. He looked at his watch and stared as the final minutes before ten ticked away.

He got up from his chair and gathered up his books and notes, grabbing some book that he didn’t even know the title of to take to the front desk to check out.

But Cas  _ still _ wasn’t there.

He looked around, thoroughly confused and a little pissed off because this was  _ all _ Charlie’s idea and he wasted four hours of his day when he could have been home--

He stopped and listened carefully, suddenly picking up what sounded like hushed voices coming from one of the aisles on the second level. He frowned and headed toward the stairs, taking them two at a time. 

“Cas?”  he called, stopping on the second floor landing and listening again. 

He heard a thump and some loud cursing coming from one of the aisles toward the back, but he didn’t move. 

“Cas?” He said again, a knot forming in his throat.

There was a bit of rustling, more whispering that Dean couldn’t hear even as it got closer. He dug his nails into his palms at his sides.

Cas emerged from one of the aisles to Dean’s right first, followed closely by a someone that Dean didn’t recognize. Both of them were flushed, hair mussed and clothes askew. Dean watched tight-lipped as Cas adjusted his shirt, which looked to be twisted uncomfortably around his abdomen.

“Dean,” he greeted, voice rough. “What are you doing here?”

Dean swallowed thickly, but he was finding it difficult to get the words forming in his brain to come out of his mouth.

Cas stared at him expectantly for a moment before turning to his companion. “Han, can you give us a moment? I can meet you downstairs.”

_ Han  _ gives Cas a  _ look _ , then gives Dean an even worse  _ look _ before brushing past Dean to head downstairs.

Cas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Again, Dean. What are you doing here?”

Dean stared at him for a moment before lamely stating, “This is a library.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Yes. It is. Thank you for your astute observation. But why are you  _ here _ ?”

It took Dean another minute to hold up the book in his hand. “Just picking this up,” he responded. He wondered if he sounded as hollow as he felt.

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean. “And you wanted me specifically because…?”

Dean dropped his eyes to the book in his hand, trying to decipher the cover but something wasn’t really right with his brain, apparently, because it didn’t look like a language he’d ever seen before. 

“Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath. “You know what?” he said finally, sounding braver than he felt as he looked back up at Cas. “I’m-uh… I don’t actually think I need this. Sorry for cockblocking you two or whatever...” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely around them before turning and walking back down the stairs.

“Dean.” The stairs bounced a little with Cas’ added weight as he hurried after Dean.

Dean dropped the book on a nearby table and adjusted his bag on his shoulders, heading for the exit, vision tunneling to the single point in existence that would remove him from the most awkward situation of his life.

Someone gripped his shoulder, making him stumble in his tracks.

“Don’t,” Dean snapped, yanking out of the touch and glancing back at Cas, who looked less concerned and more like he was dealing with a petulant child.

Dean swallowed hard and turned away again, making his way through the metal detectors and finally,  _ finally _ , out the exit doors. 

He hurried to his car and tossed his backpack in the back seat before falling into the driver’s side and locking the doors. He rested his head against the steering wheel, closing his eyes and breathing heavily, eyes stinging. He wasn’t going to cry. He couldn’t. This was absolutely not a reason to get worked up to the point of tears.

He ran a hand down his face, leaning back in his seat once he’d gotten his breathing under control. He stared out the window at the few stars he could see in the sky, focusing on each one, trying not to think about anything that had just happened. 

After a few moment moments, he started the car, pulled out of the parking lot, and headed home, hopefully leaving the whole awkward mess behind him.

~

“You caught them going at it in the stacks.”

Dean winced. “Could you… not repeat that.”

“I can’t believe… I can’t believe people actually do that,” Charlie said in an awed tone, eyes wide.

“You’re the one who said you heard it had a nice “mood,” as you put it,” Benny remarked, raising a brow.

“Yeah, but like, knowing someone who knows someone that did it is different than knowing someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who saw someone--”

“Alright, we get the picture,” Benny drawled, cutting her off.

Charlie sighed. “He’s just-- He’s just-- I don’t know. Maybe you misread the situation.”

“Charlie, it was extremely obvious.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Okay, but--”

“No buts. You told me to go there, Charlie. You told me to go talk to him and look what good it did me. I am not going back there. I’ll go to the public library three towns over before I set foot back in that hellhole again.”

Benny rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Did he say anything?”

Dean shook his head. “I got the hell outta dodge before he could. Not like I needed to hear what he had to say, anyway. That whole situation was pretty telling.”

“Dean, it’s not like you two were dating, okay? It’s not like he wasn’t allowed to see other people,” Charlie reasoned, ever the diplomat.

“Okay? And?”

Charlie frowned at him. “So, maybe you should cut the guy some slack? Just because you like each other doesn’t mean he’s off the market to everyone else. Liking each other isn’t dating each other.”

Dean scowled. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter. I’m not going back there. Nothing you say will get me back in that library. Nothing you do will make me want to even look at him again. I’m not going to embarrass myself even more. It’s done, it’s over. Like I said, I don’t date guys, anyway.”

“Dean--”

Dean leaned forward, grabbing the TV remote from the coffee table. “No. Conversation is over. Let’s watch something.”

He felt Charlie and Benny share a look behind his shoulders but he ignored them. He turned on the TV and pulled up Netflix, scrolling through the section for gory, mindless action movies. At least he wouldn’t have to think for a while.

~

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean blinked, the familiar voice breaking his thoughts from the essay on the screen in front of him. He looked up, going white as a sheet when he was met with familiar blue eyes. 

Dean hated that Cas looked as calm as a goddamn cucumber, like this whole thing wasn’t throwing him for a loop like it was Dean. He hated that he was just standing there, looking mildly amused and a little ruffled in his sweater and khakis. 

Dean hated everything about this situation and it hadn’t even really started yet.

Cas didn’t wait to be addressed. He plopped himself down in the chair across from Dean and sat his cup in front of him. He began pulling things from his bag and Dean’s brain finally decided to get with the program. 

“Stop,” Dean blurted.

Cas froze, pencil halfway between his bag and the table. He looked up at Dean questioningly.

Dean stared at Cas’ coffee cup, a stainless steel cylinder with a felted cozy wrapped around and secured with a button. The lid looked like bamboo, which is just so fucking typical--

“--you listening? Dean?” Cas leaned forward and he was too close for Dean to look at anything but Cas. “Please let me talk to you, Dean. The last time we saw each other, you didn’t even give me a chance.”

Dean scowled, indignation flaring up in his chest. “Excuse me?”

“You didn’t give me a chance to explain before you stormed off.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “What’s there to explain? I think it was pretty obvious what was going on.”

Cas dipped his head to the side. He wasn’t denying what happened, at least. “Sure. That certainly doesn’t explain, or rationalize, your reaction.”

Dean tapped his pen against the laminate tabletop anxiously. “It doesn’t matter anymore, okay. Could you just… go sit somewhere else? I’m trying to study.” As if to prove his point, he turned his attention back to his books, scribbling some nonsense line he’s sure he’s written ten times over in the last hour. This cafe was too loud, there were too many TVs and there was way too much movement around him. But he was determined to make it work.

Cas didn’t budge. “Is this where you come now instead of the library?”

Dean gritted his teeth.

“You told me once you liked the library for the quiet.”

Dean was so close to socking Cas in the face.

“And because there wasn’t anything to distract you. I hardly think this is a suitable subst--”

“Cas!”

Several of the cafe patrons and a couple of the employees looked over at Dean with varying degrees of alarm. Dean sunk into his seat, cheeks heating up now more with embarrassment than anger.

He could feel Cas staring at him. He could see Cas’ smug little smirk in his periphery. He clenched his fists under the table, digging his nails into the skin of his palms until it was just on the bad side of painful.

When Cas still didn’t say anything, Dean rolled his eyes and closed up his books quickly, nearly knocking over his own cup of coffee in the process. 

“Dean--”

“Don’t. I’m leaving.  _ Don’t _ follow me.”

“We need to talk.”

“We don’t  _ need _ to do anything. I don’t wanna talk to you, Cas.”

“You’re lying.”

Dean scoffed. “No, I’m not.”

“You are,” Cas said, as if he was commenting on the fucking weather. “That’s why you came to the library that day. To talk. You ran away, though so--”

“I did not  _ run away _ .”

Cas rolled his eyes and got up just as Dean did. “Of course. My mistake. You were just walking hurriedly out of the building because you were, what? Late for something? At ten o’clock at night?”

“ _ Oh, yeah _ . I have a  _ really _ exciting night life. One that does not involve getting it on in the library like some kinda kinky, voyeuristic nerd.”

“Was that meant to insult me?” Cas asked after a beat of silence.

Dean shot him a glare over his shoulder and pushed out of the cafe, the bell over the door jingling violently as the door swung open hard. Dean adjusted his backpack on his shoulders, gripping the straps in both hands as he started down the sidewalk toward the bus stop.

“Dean, I’d really like to speak with you about this. And I’d like to apologize--”

“Don’t patronize me, Cas. I know you don’t mean it.”

“I do! I do mean it, Dean. I’m sorry that you saw Han and I--”

Dean stopped and looked at him incredulously. “Really? That’s what you’re apologizing for?”

Cas frowned deeply, confused. “What else would I be apologizing for?”

Dean stared at him, open-mouthed and disbelieving. He shook his head and look away. 

“Go home, Cas.”

“No. Dean--”

“I said go home! I don’t want to talk, man. Just forget it. None of what happened fucking matters, okay?”

“Of course it matters, Dean. If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be so upset. And you wouldn’t be avoiding me.” Cas shifted his weight, looking around for a moment before he turned his gaze back on Dean. “Please, Dean. Just talk to me.”

“Why do you even give a shit? You don’t actually like me. Maybe you think I’m attractive, or whatever, but you don’t like me. You put up with me at best. I’m not a moron.”

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean. “Well apparently you are because I do, in fact, enjoy your company.”

Dean snorted. “Sure. You spend about ninety percent of every interaction we have yelling at me. Super affectionate, yeah. I have to get home.” Dean turned back just as a bus was pulling up to the stop, but Cas grabbed his wrist to stop him. Dean glared back at him, trying to pull out of his grip. 

“Dude, let me go.”

“No. I need you to listen to me.”

“Cas, I’m gonna miss the bus. Let me go.”

“No.”

Dean glared at him, his face hot and his head spinning.

Cas said nothing but still refused to let go of Dean. 

Dean seethed, his anger threatening to bubble out of control. He swallowed hard and tried to pull his arm away one last, futile time, but Cas didn’t budge. Cas started to pull, walking away from the bus stop and down the sidewalk back toward the cafe.

“Let me buy you another coffee, Dean. Drip? Or one of the espresso drinks?”

Dean glared hard at him and didn’t respond.

“Okay. I’m going to assume drip. Two creams. And one sugar. I hope that works for you.”

Dean drug his feet the entire way back to and through the cafe. He glared at the back of Cas’ head even as Cas ordered a drip coffee for Dean and a muffin for himself because he already had a coffee. They stood by the pick up counter and waited until their order was up, then Cas pulled him to one of the tables on the second level.

“Sit, Dean. Please,” Cas begged as he sat down, dropping his bag to the floor and setting his food and coffee in front of him. Dean glowered at him for a moment before sitting down slowly, right on the edge of the seat so he could book it if need be.

“We won’t be long. I promise.” Cas leaned forward over his crossed arms. “But you’re not leaving until we figure this out.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably and looked away, unable to meet Cas’ stare. He stared hard at the paper cup in front of him instead.

“This started the night you drove me home. I suppose I should apologize for my behavior that evening as well. I wasn’t particularly empathetic and I apologize. I’ve more or less been ‘out’ my entire life. I don’t have much experience with how it might feel to be in that situation.”

Dean cringed, sinking down in his seat as his stomach turned at the thought of anyone overhearing their conversation. 

“No one here is going to care, Dean. No one knows you. And even if they did, I doubt they’d care. We’re all adults. Despite being in the midwest, we are in a liberal city. No one is going to care if you’re gay--”

“I’m not--”

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “Dean.”

“I’m  _ not _ ,” Dean repeated, more forcefully this time. He took a deep breath and stared hard down at the table. “I don’t wanna do this in a crowded coffee shop, man.”

Cas sighed. “So you’re bisexual then.”

Dean winced and glanced around.

“No one here is going to  _ care _ , Dean.”

“Yeah, right. Tell that to the handful of people who’ve dumped me when they found out.”

Cas frowned deeply. “Really?”

“Yes, really. That’s not shit we make up, man. It actually happens, and it sucks.”

Cas turned his coffee in his hands absently. “I’m sorry.”

“Just. I’m not gay. But I do-- I do like you. But you can’t just… Don’t just assume shit, okay? You catch me off-guard with that shit and my first instinct is to freeze up That night in the car--”

“I was out of line. I should have understood the moment you clammed up that I’d struck something very personal. I apologize for that. I--” Cas looked up at him, taking a deep breath. “I’ve had my fair share bad relationships as well. Specifically with men who don’t want to let the world know who they really are. I’ve taught myself to weed people out quickly. Cut right to the chase with my intentions and figure out the other person’s intentions so there is no confusion and I don’t get my hopes up for nothing. I completely misread your reaction and I am very sorry for that, Dean.”

Dean stared at him, not sure if he could trust Cas’ apology. 

Cas spoke again before he could get anything out.

“I’m also sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t enjoy our time together. Because I do. You just… Annoy me. At times.”

“Wow. Flatterer.”

Cas sighed. “I am sorry that you saw Han and I. I’m not going to apologize for being with them, but I’m sorry you found out the way that you did. That wasn’t fair to you.”

Dean stared at him, lead forming in his gut. 

“S’okay, man. Water under the bridge.” He was surprised by how sincere and calm he sounded.

Cas’ eyes searched his face for a long moment, as if trying to decipher any hidden meaning behind the words. He must not have found anything, though, because he offered a small smile.

“Will you come back to the library, then? I’ve missed our talks.”

Dean thought that might be a little awkward, trying to go back to normal when the scale was out of balance. Cas knew Dean liked him, but Cas wasn’t with Dean, and obviously wasn’t planning to be any time soon, considering his relationship with Han. 

But Dean was nothing if not a glutton for punishment. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be coming back. I-- I haven’t been doing great since I stopped going. My instructors probably think I have a drug problem or something now. I haven’t gotten a damn thing done in the past few weeks.”

Cas chuckled. “I’m sorry. Perhaps I could help you catch up?”

Another terrible idea, but Dean just couldn’t say no to a pretty face. 

“You offering to be my tutor?”

Cas shrugged. “I suppose. Although, I get something out of it, too.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll get to learn something new.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I was thinking the bonus was hanging out with me, but that’s fine.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean scoffed. “Buddy, I’m a delight.”

“Of course.” Cas smile returned and Dean felt his heart jump up in his throat.

Why did the universe fucking hate him?


End file.
